Everybody wants to be somebody, and they claim once they reach that ultimate goal of "being known" for their craft, they will never change. 

I am saddened to see so many people that I have admired turn in to big headed, egotistical morons. It's sad really. I see all of their fans cheering them on, not for what they have accomplished or who they are, because who they are is not who they were, or who they claimed they would be when they finally made it.  Wake up people, you are blind if you follow people simply because you think they are going somewhere. I believe there is a quote that pretty much says it all, "the blind leading the blind to slaughter." 

If you follow someone, support someone that you know in your heart has done wrong, then you too have not only done wrong, you are essentially a hypocrite. This person will never get you where you need to be in your life, because they don't even know where they are going.  They have strayed far off of their path, and the saddest part about it is, they don't even realize it, nor will they, until they are so deep into the forest that all of the light is gone and they are trying to find their way back out. 

I have lost my way many times. I'm ashamed to say that I have acted in  a way that was not only inappropriate but shameful. I didn't even realize it while I was doing it, because I was lost deep in the forest. Once I finally realized I was lost, the only hope that I had was to fall on my knees and beg for the light to guide me back out. 

If you see someone that you admire deeply or that you follow for guidance, going astray. Don't follow them into the slaughter how, or into the forest, reach out to them and help lead them back to where they need to be. 

I believe a pedestal is only made to hold something up for a short time. Once you over stay on the pedestal, it weakens, cracks and crashes to the ground. Remember where you started and what your initial goals were. What were you working towards, what were you working for? Get back there, it's never too late to cry for the light to lead you out of the forest. 

By Charlie Cain-Tolbirt  on Sunday, June 16, 2013 at 1:26am

My daddy passed away in June 1973. But the few memories we shared, will live on inside me forever. We had a very short time together, only a few years off and on, but the memories we made together are priceless to me. 

My dad was a tall man, a presence. He always wore a suit, and resembled Ernest Tubb (if you don't know who that is, look him up, he's an old country singer from years past). He was a very tidy man, who always kept himself looking his best, and the house clean. He also loved to cook, and made sure there were cookies on the table when me and my brother got home from school. Homemade peanut butter cookies were the best!

My dad was very charasmatic and everyone flocked to him. His nickname was Sugar Cain, and everyone always just called him Cain. I later learned it was because his family farmed Sugar Cane, he was tall and our name was Cain.  He was an accomplished and very talented musician that played with the likes of Hank Williams. He could play any musical instrument set before him, but he was a well renowened Fiddle Champion, so I'm assuming that was his passion instrument. People came from all over the southern part of the country just to hear him play. I inherited his love of music, and while I was never as talented as him, I feel that a part of him lived on in me (and my brother Ralph). 

He was old enough to be my great grandfather. He had another family years before, and my siblings were grown and in the military or married, before I was even born. I was not only the "baby of the family" (as I was told often), but I also the only girl. Because he was older, and had medical issues related to his alcoholism (he was recovering when he passed), diabetes and heart disease, he was sick a lot. I remember him being in the hospital more than anything. And my last memory of him would be when they came in that cold, blue room at Baptist Hospital to tell us that he had passed away from a massive heart attack. 

Because my dad was older and sick a lot, I used to love to take care of him. We lived in Moreno Courts, and there was no such thing as air conditioning there (or carpet either for that matter, we had black concrete slate floors). We slept with all the windows wide open with box fans. I would lay in bed with my daddy at night and sing to him, and he would tell me stories of a woodpecker that lived in the trees. This was our nightly routine, and I would beg every night to hear the story of the woodpecker.. again. 

Because my dad loved to cook, he wanted me to also. He taught me to make pancakes (homemade not the box kind) when I was 5 years old, on a hot plate. I never did inherit the love of cooking that my father had, and I'm so glad he never knew that haha.

My dad was also an avid gardener. It must have come from his years of his family farming, He had a little garden right in front of our house. He grew steak tomatoes, and I grew cherry tomatoes.. just my size. We had okra, peppers and various other little vegetables.. but the tomatoes are what I remember the most because I thought he had created them that size, just for me! We tended to the garden every day, and I was beyond happy when we harvested our first tomatoes.

We watched Lawrence Welk, Hee Haw, Petticoat Junction and Wide World of Sports together on a huge console tv that had a record player and eight track tape player in the top. I can still remember him and my mother dancing in the livingroom to that old music. I thought my daddy was a hero. 

I have no memories of birthday parties, father/daughter dances,  Christmas or any other holidays with him, because there are none,  but the memories that I do have are precious to me. My dad was a giant.. and while he wasn't perfect, I do know in my heart that he loved me very much. 

The few things that I learned from my dad (the good things), I passed on to my children.  

A father holds a special place in the life of his children.. daughters will always be their little girls, and daddy's will always be the man that had the most impact on his daughters and son's life. 

My dad had lived a long, hard life. He wasn't a very good person for a majority of it. But I think he felt that having children again, so late in life, was his second chance. My dad quit drinking and started to going to AA meetings, he got saved and began going to church before he died. Many nights I slept on the pew, with my head in his lap on Sunday and Wednesday night. I know he had regrets, and many times saw the sadness in his eyes over the loss of the relationships with my brothers. 

I am grateful for my time with my dad, albeit short, it had a lasting affect on me. I wonder sometimes if, wherever he is, he knows that I love baking cookies for my kids, and telling them stories. I wonder if he knows that because of him, we have a music room in our house and everyone has their own guitar or bass. I wonder if he knows that because of him, I know not to drink too much, and because of him... I do my very best to be the most positive influence in my children's lives.. right next to their own father. 

Thank you daddy.. I love you. And although I know you aren't reading this, Happy Father's Day. 

I have been a mother for 21 years. I can safely say, it's hard work, and is only getting harder. Times change all the time. Society is getting worse, and trying to raise teenagers in a corrupt world is hard work. 

I have a grown son, and 2 teenagers. They are good kids, but the influences in the world are bad. I try my best to teach them the right ways to go in life, and rely on the promise in the bible that if I raise them up right, they will not depart from it. 

Reading the news headlines everyday, gives me shivers.  So many young lives lost to ignorance, lack of parental involvement, no good role models at home.. or just simple neglect.  It breaks my heart to think of all of the young people with promise in the world today that are suffering with no direction in life. 

My boys get mad at me, because I criticize or monitor what music they listen to. I believe that music has a direct impact on the brain. Children are influential, especially at such a young age. People that are in a position to be good role models to our youth today, are abusing that position, and I think that's a shame. There could be so many people making a positive impact on our impressionable young people. Why can't they see this? 

I will never stop being a mom! I will never stop caring and correcting and teaching my children the right way to go. We have a responsibility to our children.  Don't succumb to pressure to be the "cool parent," by giving in and letting them do what "everyone else is doing." Even if it's something as innocent sounding as music. Be aware of what feeds your children's minds, and hearts. I'm not saying you have to be a super strict parent that allows no freedoms, I'm saying be a super caring parent that loves your children enough to care about what kind of adults they are going to go into. 

As I lay  my head down tonight, I will pray for my boys, as I do everyday. Hopefully you will for your children and those of the world too. Let's all keep our hearts, eyes and minds open to the fact that if we aren't correcting our own, we can't really complain about the ones that come into contact with ours.  Plant the seeds and let them grown within your children. Raise them up right, and they will not depart from it. They do remember, they do listen and they will remember.. even if you think they don't. 

What is believed to be another terrorist attack on the United States today, there were multiple explosions and casualties at the Boston Marathon. 

When I heard this on the news, my heart sank. I had friends at the marathon, dear friends of mine. My mind immediately raced at the thought of them possibly being hurt or worse. I found out shortly after posting a plea on one of my friend's wall for confirmation that they were all ok. Her posts go directly to her cellphone, so I knew if she was ok, she would answer. Within minutes, we got word that they were all safe. Her niece had just crossed over the finish line about 15 minutes prior, and they were out of harms way. 

While I am thankful that my friends were all ok, my heart was broken for those that were not as fortunate. Their families and the first responders that had to try to search, help and locate more bombs, if there were any. 

It's scary in the world today. There are tales of such things all over the world, as we sit and hold our breath every day in anticipation of someone getting a hot head and pushing a little red button that will change the world as we know it. And for what? Ego?

I am disheartened, but not at a loss of hope. I believe that there is still hope for mankind. Yes, I do believe we are in the end times, and it's becoming increasingly more and more evident. But there is still hope for those of us here to make a difference and leave a footprint of kindness towards one another. 

Let us start the ball to rolling by being kind to one another, even when we don't want to be. That's truly the best time and the best way to make a difference in the world. 

Live your life in hope, faith and strength, not fear.  Believe in your heart that not all people are bad. There are still those of us that long for peace, and we can all do it if we do it together. 

Peace on Earth.. good will towards men. 

You wake up in a good mood, open your blinds, have your coffee and then sit down to the morning news. Your vision of a beautiful day has been shattered. 

I have learned that no matter how positive I am, if I allow negativity into my life, it brings me down. I talk of this often, and the reason that I do, is because I think it's so very important that everyone understands the impact that negativity can have on your mood, your actions .. your life! 

In the 1970's, as a child, I used to love seeing a newspaper.  It was like a glowing pot of gold to my innocent, little eyes. My favorite memories of that black and white mystery was the "funny papers."  I loved using my Silly Putty to copy the funny pictures, and then stretch it to see their faces distorted. They always made me laugh. I had no  idea what horrors was printed on the inside of that paper. And I never ventured outside of my comfort zone. 

Today, as an adult, I find it is absolutely necessary to stay abreast of what's happening in the world. So I try my best to stay up on current events, not only in my community, but that of the world.  I think it's truly important to always better yourself intellectually, as well as spiritually. The only way to nurture your intellect is to supply it with knowledge. 

In nurturing my knowledge, I run across stories that are rampant across the globe, and none of which make me feel good.  In the last 2 days alone, I have read stories that make Hollywood look like a walk in the park! There was a time when this sort of thing would consume me. I would be depressed all day after reading one or two of the true to life stories that were printed in the paper.  I have since learned that I need to pray that the Lord will guide me in the direction of the news that will stimulate my intellect and provide me with the tools I need to be prepared in life, and help me to skip the stories that will provide absolutely nothing positive or beneficial to my heart, mind or spirit. 

I now pray before I read the news, and after I read the news. Sort of a buffer and an eraser if you will. I no longer can deal with the evils of this world on my own. It's impossible to read how society has bitten off it's own nose to spite it's face. It's unfathomable that people can be as evil as they are, and walk this Earth in our own backyards. But as horrible as it all is, I have the ability to not get wrapped up in it, and so do you. 

Your  heart is tender and vulnerable. Supply only the needs that are necessary to thrive and nurture yourself. All else is junk and needs to be filtered out. Positive thoughts and actions are necessary for a happy life. You are the only one that can make that call, but I suggest to you all that you put down the horror stories, and pick up something to read that's going to make you smile. Perhaps it's the funny papers? 

You meet people all the time that bring a sense of negativity in your world. Some days are worse than others, but a majority of the time, you are going to run into someone, somewhere that will say or do something negative.  Finding a way to deal with these people can sometimes be difficult, but not impossible.  It's really more about dealing with yourself than dealing with others. 

There was a time, not too terribly long ago, that I would allow these kinds of people to rule my world. By rule, I mean, control my emotions. For whatever reason, I felt personally attacked because of their negativity.  I would question everything in my world, simply because of something that was said by another. This is where I went off course. 

The most important thing that we must all realize in situations such as these, is that negative people will not bring anything positive to the table. The only way to deal with them in the now, is to put them in the "then."  You can not allow a person's negative vibe to influence how you feel, act or otherwise interact with other people and situations in your life and trust me, they will IF you allow them to. 

I've had more than my fair share of negativity in my life. I have learned to recognize the signs. When people make me question my own intelligence, my own motives, my own sanity, simply by talking, then I know that it's time to remove them from my space. 

If you allow yourself to be upset by the actions of others, then you are doing exactly the same thing that they are doing, bringing negative  energy into your life.  Take a deep breath and find another way to vent your emotions. I work with prayer.  It drives me in a different direction and away from the negative place that I was heading in. 

Another thing to always remember is this, while you should try to put a positive spin on any negative situation to try to turn it around... not all situations will turn. Realize it for what it is. Some people are, in their minds, never wrong. No matter what you say or do, there are some people that are so self consumed with righteousness, that you will never be able to bring their attention to their obvious negative nature. Put it and them away, and focus your attention on yourself and pulling yourself back into a more positive atmosphere. 

Put away negative people, by surrounding yourself with positive people. You will know which is which by how they make you feel. 

I hear everyone talking about their New Year's Resolutions and just have to laugh a little bit. Yes, I too have made the all changeable promises that rarely come to fruition. We all have, I'm sure, but I for one, am tired of making empty promises to myself. Especially by announcing it to the world that I am going to set myself up for failure. 

This year i'm going to be doing things a little bit different. I am going to focus more on doing things that I know I'm capable of. I plan on pushing myself beyond my limits. But not in an unrealistic way. In a way that I know is possible. 

Yes, I'm guilty of making empty resolutions. I've made them all!  "This year I'm going to lose that 10 lbs that I put on over the holidays AND another 5 lbs for good measure!" "This year I'm going to the gym 5 to 6 days a week." "This year I will be more motivated and make my bed everyday." "This year I am going to get my degree!" Blah blah blah. I realized a long time ago, resolutions are promises we make to ourselves to make us feel better in the moment.  It feels good to come off of a holiday sugar high and say that you aren't going to indulge in poor eating habits anymore. It eases the guilt after you've just finished off the last piece of pumpkin pie, for the 4th time!

I think that we should all make a resolution to make no more resolutions. Let's just all decide to make a better life for ourselves, without all of the pressure of promises that we most likely won't be able to follow through with. I think it's easier to have realistic expectations. 

These things are realistic to me.  They are doable, and they are things that I know I can do, and not be embarrassed two months down the road, because I failed. 

I AM going to go to the gym this year. I have a membership that I pay for every month. I am crazy to just send them money every month for no reason. I am making no promises that I will work out 5 days a week, because I know that a lot of times I will go and just use the free tanning bed. But that's a realistic promise that I can make to myself, to actually be at the gym this year. 

I am not going to keep eating junk food like I have been over the holidays. I hate cooking as it is, so this is an easy one for me. I reserve these sweet recipes for one time a year, because I don't like being in the kitchen.  I don't seem to be as fascinated with store bought treats, so I think I'm safe with this one too.  I have teenagers, so the store bought treats don't last long in my house, nor does anything else for that matter. I'm good with this realistic expectation for myself. 

I will be spending more time doing what makes ME happy.  There isn't enough time in the day, most days.  I write a lot! Writing is hard work. If you are a writer, then you know exactly what I mean. It's emotionally, and mentally draining, although it's extremely fulfilling and therapeutic at the same time.  But it is hard to get motivated when you are writing something as exhausting as I am right now, with the story of my childhood. It's a full time job for to write. So please excuse me if I don't have much time for anything else.  If I seem edgy and tired, it's because I am. I'm reliving things that were very emotional or traumatic for me.  I apologize in advance. 

I will not make any promises of being more socially available, at least not until I'm at a place that I can be.  There is no sense in me saying that I "resolve" to accept more invitations to do things, when I know that I probably won't be able to. I do however, promise to keep in touch with everyone the best way that I know how, which is usually on the computer.  That's where I'm at most of the time. 

I will be taking the little bit of free time that I do have, and focus on learning more about my growing children.  Most of the time they are in their rooms, rarely showing their beautiful faces to me unless it's dinner time. I plan on changing that. We are all growing in different directions and I don't want to miss anything, no matter how busy I am. 

So remember, take the pressure off of yourself. It's not a contest to see who can make the most resolutions or the most outrageous ones. Be realistic, and you will be less likely to disappoint yourself in the end.  Set reasonable goals with everything that you decide you need to do in the new year. Push yourself for sure, but don't do it to the point that you end up failing.  

Just keep it real! 

Every year at this time, I reflect on the year thats ending and try to take
something positive away from all that I've learned, even the bad experiences
have a lesson to be learned in them.  I've learned a lot of things this year,
and I usually make mental notes of most of them. There isn't enough time in the
day for any of us to read it all, but here are some of the highlights.

 I learned that...

 ... people are not always what they seem to be. A person can seem together,
appear to be a leader, and seem to have a heart of a humanitarian, but
underneath they can be harboring resentment and anger towards the world. They
can have a nasty spirit, and not even know it. I learned that some of these
people will be sugar sweet to your face, and then talk about you like you're a
dog to others. These people will never be fulfilled or happy in their lives.

 ...  there are still really good people left in the world. People that truly
want to help others, without expecting anything in return. They are everywhere,
you just need to open your eyes, and look for them. Better yet, become one of
them. 

... what seems like a travesty in your life, can actually turn out to be a
blessing.

 ... we will all continue to make mistakes in life. I have learned to forgive
myself for those of the past, to learn from them, and not repeat the same ones.
I'm sure I will have enough new ones in the future to make up for it.

 ...  no matter how much you want something in life, it might not be whats
best for you.

 ...  no matter how many people tell me I can't do something, I know that I
can, if I want it bad enough! 

...  children become adults when you blink your eyes.

 ...  once your children become teenagers, they no longer want to cuddle, talk
cute or hang out with you. Enjoy that last year before they cross that line.

 ...  evil continues to multiply and walk the Earth. It doesn't have any
sympathy or compassion for anyone. Be prepared and be ready for anything.. but
whatever you do, don't be scared, it will make you weak.

 ... you still can't fix stupid!

 ...  it is truly possible to fit 15 pair of boots in my closet.

 ... that no matter how much money I spend on doctor's visits, no one will
ever be able to cure my headaches, so I will be saving my money from now on, and
using it to go towards keeping me walking.

 ...  no matter how much I want to stay young, it's not happening.

 ...  I'm not the only one that understands being thrifty is not only smart,
it's fun!

 ...  even though she's getting older, Lyndsay Lohan will never learn her
lesson.

 ...  my fruit trees produce a whole heck of a lot of fruit every 3 to 4
years.. like enough to feed the neighborhood!

 ...  even though you suspend one of the best coaches in the NFL, he will not
only come back stronger than ever, he will come back as the highest paid coach
in the league.

 ...  no matter what.. family is family and family sticks together!!

 ...  forgiving doesn't mean you're weak, it shows your strength. 

...  No matter how old you get, if you were raised in the 70s, it will never
be safe to go back in the water.

 ...  the older I get, the more I realize, it really is the simple things in
life that make me happy.

 ...  I can't drink liquor

 ...  I truly love my big fluffy robe, and it loves me back.

 ... to never, EVER get a neck procedure done, unless you have enough
anesthesia, it's a nightmare that will live with you forever!

 ... Starbucks is my favorite guilty pleasure

 ... I have changed a lot in the last 7 years

 ... no matter what, I will always miss my mother

 ... I have the best children in the world. They are kind, smart and generous.
They never cease to amaze me in all walks of their life.

 ... praying all day, everyday is the way I stay sane, and it's cheaper than
therapy.

 ... buying more than one lottery ticket really doesn't increase your chances
of winning.

 ... just because someone is older than you, does not mean that they are
smarter than you. Wisdom comes from experience, and taking away from each
experience. Otherwise, you are not wise, you're just old.

 ... as cold as it gets in Florida, it still doesn't snow.

 ... you can teach an old dog new tricks, but you can't teach him to use the
bathroom outside!!

 ... people will disappoint you, get used to it.

 ... I do not like the sounds of anything thats not soothing. Silence is my
friend

 ... football will always be my favorite thing to do on the weekends

 ... exercise is not fun when you do it alone

 ... I will never find anyone that can cut my hair the way I want it cut.

 ... entertainers, politicians and athletes are extremely overpaid!

 ... you will never know unless you ask.

 ... commercials are louder than tv shows

... true friends will ALWAYS be there for you. 

... there is such a thing as 2nd chances, and 3rd ones too.

 ... its still possible for me to impress my children

 ... waiting your entire life to ride the ferris wheel is stupid.

 ... I no longer feel safe sending my children to public school, and doubt I
will ever feel that comfort again.

 ... just because you are sick, doesn't mean you have to act like it.

 ... if you don't understand something, ask for clarification

 ...I will never be happy with my body

 While there are a million other things I've learned this year. I will leave
you with this .. I learned that I am still growing and changing as a person.
While I'm not the person that I want to be, I am certainly not the person that I
used to be. I am proud of myself, and who I am becoming. I am content in my
life, and plan on not taking anything or anyone in my life for granted. Life is
too short, way too short. Let the little things slide, say comforting words to
those around you, and always greet people with a smile.  Try to view life with a
positive attitude. Not everyone will be nice, accept it, and don't let it affect
you as a person. Remember that bad things happen to good people, and as bad as
it is, it will pass.. it always does.

 I pray that each and every one of you will go after what makes you happy in
life, letting nothing stand in your way. Be the designer of your life, design it
the way you want it to be, and make it happen.

 Happy New Year.. welcome in 2013!


~ Charlie

It's so hard to believe that God would send his only son to die on a cross for our sins, isn't it? It's even more hard to comprehend that he would send him to be born in a manger, on a cold dark night so long ago. It's hard for me to wrap my head around that precious little baby being born in the cold, and sleeping on the hay, surrounded by animals. 

Yesterday was a sad day in America, and in the world,  when we learned that a lone gunman, all of the ripe old age of 20, forced his way into Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut to commit one of the worst mass shootings in U.S. history, and then turning the gun on himself. 

It is hard to wrap your head around murder at all, but when it involves so many precious, innocent children, the reality is almost unfathomable. But as hard as it is to understand, we need to all remember that the world is full of balance. While there is evil and insanity that walks this Earth, there is also good. 

Peace on Earth may never happen. At least not in our lifetime, if ever. But we can make a difference, by remembering to pray for those lost souls that wander the Earth in search of a way to fulfill their evil deeds. Be kind to one another, this is the first step in bringing peace about. A lot of people never experience kindness from others, and this can, of course turn people bitter and even eventually fill them with hate. 

Love your neighbors, but be aware. Do not fall in to the trap of thinking that all the world is evil. There are good people walking among us, including yourself. 

Remember, peace on Earth, goodwill towards every man, woman and child.