Words With Wisdom
Like me on Facebook and Follow Me on Twitter
  • Home
  • Words With Wisdom
  • Of interest
  • Blog
  • Book Reviews
  • Contact Me
  • Radio Interviews
  • About the Author
Life is not forever, forever is forever and only forever, is forever."

Our weaknesses are not meant to do us in.. they are meant to strengthen us.

"Our weaknesses are what make us strong. Fighting a broken heart or an illness will only make you weak long enough to feel sorry for yourself. Allow yourself time to experience your pain, so you can learn the true meaning of strength, then let it work with your faith to sustain you."


We all want to feel sorry for ourselves when we're in pain.  No matter what kind of pain we are going through, be it physical, or emotional. I know because I have (and will always have) both. 

The daily suffering of pain is physically demanding and can bring you to a point where you just feel like you can't go on anymore.  It can make you question yourself as a human being, and will always make you question God, "why me?"  There are never any easy answers, there is only peace to be found and strength to be gained. You can either succumb to your pain or you can let it make you a stronger person that can endure this and more. 

Heartache, as we all know is a different and more debilitating kind of pain. It's the pain that hurts all over, and makes you never want to face the world again. It's the pain that we all wonder why we were ever a heart in the first place.  When you find yourself crying over and over the same heartbreak, it's time to realize this is your grieving period of whatever your situation is. Allow it to happen, and then put it away. Now, you are strengthening yourself against a broken heart in the future that won't be quite as bad. 

Never try to ignore your pain. If you ignore it, it will always be with you. Facing it, whatever kind of pain it is, will strengthen you in ways you never knew you had strength.  

I pray every day, all day. It gets me through my pain, knowing that someone understands what I'm going through, and will give me comfort and strength to get through the really hard times, keeps me humbled.  Believe me, there were times in my life that I thought I just couldn't go on anymore, I'm almost ashamed to admit that there were nights when I prayed I wouldn't wake up, but then I did, and started it all over again.  I learned that there was a reason I was still here. And I am just finding my purpose.  We all have a purpose.  Do not get sucked into thinking your purpose in life is to suffer. That's simply not the case. Use your pain to gain your strength and find your purpose. 

Remember, life goes on, with or without pain. If you have to live with it, you might as well accept it as being a part of you, and put it in its proper place in your life. Don't announce it every chance you get, and don't acknowledge it when it rears it's ugly head. You know it's there, and that's all that really matters.  Fighting through it, will strengthen you as a person, and make the impossible attainable. 

Letting go of yesterday's pain

"Today is a day of cleansing, and marks the first day of the rest of your life. Put tomorrows pain behind you, and look forward to the future. Embrace life and even that, that follows it; always looking up for guidance, reassurance and comfort. Never live your life in fear, that's exactly where the enemy wants you. Rejoice, today is a new day."


Let go of your pain of the past. 

The good news is, tomorrow is gone forever, never to darken your doorsteps again. There is no bad news! That's all you need to know.  When you experience a life altering event, or a heart damaging experience, grieve for the moment, as well you should, then let it go. 

Life goes on, and so the Earth continues to spin, until a time when it doesn't. We must not sit around and grieve forever. We must remember that our lives are meant to be lived. We are not meant to grieve our existence over events of the past. 

Bring peace into your heart, your life and all that is around you. Spread love and joy, and the always remember the promise that tomorrow is always better than today.  

Live happy.



Unbelievable madness

"Trying to understand the unbelievable is like trying to swallow a toaster, it's just not possible"


There are things in this world that happen that you just can't wrap your head around.  No matter how much you want to understand, or try to understand, it's just not possible for a rational mind to get it. 


You can read in the news everyday, tales of tragedy, despair, unbelievable horror stories, and you will ask yourself, why? There is no answer for this question. 

Saving the world

"Someone once told me, "you can't save the world." I would like to think I'm not saving everyone, I'm just encouraging them to save one another."


Obviously no one can save the world. But giving it your best effort certainly isn't going to hurt anyone either, is it? 


I believe that by spreading love and kindness to others, we are teaching everyone how to not only coexist, but how to love one another.  


Being kind to another person takes a lot less effort than being mean.  Meanness is not something that you are typically born with, it's a trait that someone learns, and it is learned from other people. So if everyone is practicing kindness on a regular basis, even the most hateful can learn some form of compassion and understanding. I truly believe that with all my heart, if you aren't technically insane, you are teachable. 


The next time you see someone standing on a street corner, holding up a sign, instead of snubbing your nose, or judging their situation, judge your own heart.  What kind of person are you? Don't even make it about them, or their situation. If you make it about who you are, or who you want to be, you will find that by giving out of kindness your own heart will start to change.  Not everyone will do a complete 180, but even if you touch a few of the masses, you will be changing the world for the better. 


I have, as I'm sure many of you have as well, encountered people in my daily life, that are just very rude and unhappy.  Or perhaps you've been that person that went to the store with a scowl on your face, and a heavy heart. For whatever reason, someone got your parking spot, or you're having to stand in a line for a ridiculous amount of time? You're spending way too much of your hard earned money on ghastly ridiculously high prices. Come on, we've all done it.  When you finally get to the check out, the last thing you want to do is exchange pleasantries with one of the slowest cashiers on the planet!  The evil one that could have helped your mood by at least knowing how to do her job in the first place! Well, I have learned that when I find myself surrounded  by people like that, I smile. If it's me, I check my attitude and smile. When I finally do reach the cashier, I make a mental note to smile at her, tell her that I think she is very under paid for all she does, and wish her a very happy day. Its amazing what this will do for your own demeanor. If you don't believe me, try it! 


If everyone would just try to be the "one" that spreads the love, encouragement and happiness, then eventually we'd all be "the one."  Can you for just a second imagine what a different world we would live in, if we all showed more tolerance, patience, love and kindness? I sure can. 

Joy down deep in your heart

"Life is full of disappointments. It's also full of joy. Learn to accept your disappointments with grace and humbleness and then the joy will be the biggest sustenance in your life."



Life is so ridiculously full of ups and downs that sometimes it's hard to differentiate between life and an amusement park ride. 

I find that I am disappointed by something, or someone weekly, if not daily. I try to always remember the brilliant words that were once quoted to me, "Hope for the best, expect the worse and settle for something in between."  As long as you are expecting the worst to happen, it can never get any worse.  Always hoping for the best, allows you to embrace the many joys that will come into your daily life. When you look for only the bad, then you will see only the bad. 

As soon as you are disappointed, realize it for what it is, accept it, and put it behind you. Nothing negative should ever be allowed to dwell in your life for more than a half hour, otherwise, it will take root and grow.  Allow yourself to grieve for the moment, try to learn something from the experience, if at all possible, and then forge ahead with a new outlook. 

Joy is in everyone's life. Just remember that you can never experience the joy if you are dwelling on the negative, disappointing issues.  Free your heart by releasing your pain over things that can not be changed. 




I have to know..

I have to know ...

Would you still love me, if I couldn't walk? 
Would you still hear me, if I couldn't talk?
If I couldn't see, would my light still shine
If I couldn't speak, would you still be mine? 
Fragile, wrinkled, bruised to touch
Would you still love me, just as much?

It only take a second

"Check your intelligence before you open your mouth. Spoken words can not be retracted, and painful ones take a long time to be forgotten. "


We've all done it! Open mouth, insert foot! It's a fact of life that at least one time during your journey, you will say something quicker than you've allowed yourself to think it through. The result, a ton of embarrassment for everyone involved, and absolutely no way to make it better. 


I learned in my twenties, when I was going through a very selfish stage of my life, that other people actually have feelings too.  While I knew this, I rarely would think before speaking. I made tons of etiquette errors, and most probably hurt a lot of people that I cared about. I wasn't trying to hurt anyone, I just wasn't thinking, but the result was always the same. I would stand there motionless, struck full of shame at the words that came out of my mouth, while the person on the receiving end stood there with their mouth open, full of shock. 


The lessons that I took away from those unfortunate signs of immaturity were, always think before you speak. It only takes an extra second to think about what you are going to say. If you have a mind that races, take two extra seconds to think about the direction the conversation is going in. Remember, it's just as easy to say "You look amazing. Absolutely glowing," as opposed to "Don't worry, with time you will lose the baby weight," Same scenario, different outcome. 


When talking with people that you genuinely care about, those that you love, you are more protected from shame, this is where you need to be the most cautious. Just because they love you and are more forgiving of your ill thought out sputtering of words, they are the ones that will hurt the worst.


Never speak too much in anger or haste. Always take time to cool off, or really think through every possible scenario before speaking or acting out in a heated or passionate situation.  It is better to be thought of as odd, than to be thought of as rude. 

Love is trust, trust is love

"If there is no trust, then there is no true love. True love trusts no matter what the situation, and it also gives reason to be able to do so."


In relationships, I believe there are all forms of love. You can love someone and feel immense passion for the relationship, without it being "true love."  True love doesn't come in a red satin, heart shaped box filled with chocolates, no more than it comes in an accusatory tone of jealousy. Just because you utter those "three little words,"  doesn't mean you are experiencing true love, just love in another form.  True love comes from that special place in the back of your mind that understands that with that statement comes great responsibility, and with actions that can back up any statement that proceeds it. 


When you truly love someone you put them first, always. It's not a questionable thing, nor is it a draw straws game, it's an automatic reaction to a unique feeling that makes you want to put the focus of your affection before yourself and your own selfish needs and desires.  You have no need to not trust, because you truly love the other person. 


The responsibility of love is to handle the honor with the utmost respect and care that you would handle with a fragile, newborn baby. Nurturing it, and caring for it, as if its unable to care for  itself.  Love doesn't question loyalty or dish out judgement. Its accepting and kind, comforting and patient. If you find yourself doing anything other than this in your relationship, then perhaps you need to reevaluate what sort of relationship you are truly in. True love trusts no matter how bad a situation looks, and it does so because it's been given reason to. 


Love with all your heart.  Trust with all your might. Recognize unrequited love for what it is, and true love will make it self known because you just won't experience anything negative in your relationship, only love and acceptance. 

Just a kind word

"Of course it's okay to have many friends, it's just not okay when you forgot that you have that one. Sometimes people aren't insecure, they are simply lonely."


As your life grows, usually so does your social circle.  You should be adding friends to your life constantly.  This is how we grow as individuals. We learn from each other. From each friend we make, we learn something, good or bad, we learn from them.  

I have been on the receiving end and i'm sure I've had friends in that place as well. That feeling of being left behind.  You see your friends grow and their circle expand, and it seems as if they have forgotten all about you. You mention something to them about how you never hear from them anymore, and immediately you are accused of being insecure in your friendship. 

People aren't always insecure when they reach a hand out to you. They may just miss you.  Perhaps their life is not expanding as quickly as yours, and their circle is very small, and you are very important in their world. 

I think it would benefit both our spirit and all of current friendships, if we could remember that everyone in our life is important to us, at least those that aren't completely taxing on your soul.  I'm not saying that you should have to babysit someone and give them constant attention, that would be a liability in your life, i'm saying the friendships that provide you with something in return should be nurtured. Perhaps not all the time, but  sometimes all it takes is a kind word of remembrance to remind someone that they are important to you, and you haven't forgotten them.  

Leave no one behind, lose only the friendships that are bad ones, and even if you can't stay in touch like you used to, remind them every once in a while that you are still there, and they are still important to you. 

Only time will tell

"No amount of wanting someone to love you will work, if it's not meant to be. Persistence is humiliation and it changes nothing. Put yourself in the state of mind to love yourself more than anyone else and live your life. Time will tell the true story of what's meant for your heart"


We all have a desire to be loved, especially by the one that has stolen our heart. But no matter how much you want it to be, if it's not meant to be, it never will be. 

The heart is a very fragile organ. It feels things even when we don't want it to. There is no way you can control the emotions involving love. But what you can do, is learn to live with it, the pain and the overwhelming sadness that comes from rejection.  Own it all and to do the only thing you can to get through it... live your life.  Life doesn't end just because someone doesn't return your affection. It just keeps coming every morning, so you need to come to terms with the fact that "it is what it is."  

Slowly as you start living your life away from the object of your desire, you will start to feel human again. It will seem like a never ending torturous journey, but it will end.  Once you are able to break free from the chains of hopelessness, you will start experiencing new and exciting things in your life. 

You can still love them, but you will need to learn to live with the fact that whatever will be, will be.. and nothing you say or do will change it.  Living your life could bring the true love story to life.

 Only time will tell the true story.. 

Do something about it

"Either bag it up and haul it to the curb, or stop complaining about the smell."

We all have a lot of garbage that we have to deal with in our life.  We take crap from people every single day, but thats not the bad part. The bad part is when you complain about it constantly, while making no move towards doing anything about it.  Obviously complaining about it isn't going to fix it, and while your friends and family love you and want to support and encourage you, after a while its a bit redundant when the cycle continues. They realize the advice they give, while is appreciated, falls on deaf ears. You may find that your calls start going unanswered, and plans start getting cancelled more frequently. It's not that they don't love you, and want whats best for you, but obviously they can't fix your life for you, these are things that  have to be your decision, and ultimately it must be you that cleans the house. 

There comes a time when you have to say, it's time to take out the trash.  When it hangs around the house too long, eventually it starts attracting flies. Bag it up and take it curb where it belongs. Soon, the odor will be gone from your presence, allowing room for a sweet aroma that will begin to show you just how wonderful you are... there is a wonderful you waiting on the trash to be taken out, so put on your gloves and get to it. 





Bury the past

"When a bad day is over, consider it dead and put it to rest."

Everyone has them, the dreaded "bad days," and yes, it's true that some seem to have more than others.  

No matter how bad of a day you have had, you need to always remember at the end of the day, it's over. It's time to put it in your past and stop thinking about it.  What's done is done, and nothing can be done to erase it, change it or otherwise alter events that have already occurred, but you can learn from it, and change your future. 

I realize it's easier said than done, most works of the positive nature are.  But it is so worth it when you can actually do it. Take for example, a bad day at work. I've had days where I lost a contract to someone who came in with a lower bid. I had been virtually counting my commission that I would make from the job, and then someone came in and undercut me.  Yes, I got upset about it. Who wouldn't? Well, Jesus perhaps, but we all know I'm not Jesus.  So instead, I manage to get an extreme headache that was caused by the stress coming up through my tense shoulders, that was caused by the tensing of my body when I found out I lost the job.  There is a scenario for everyone, for every occassion, but the point is, once I went home at 5pm, the day was over.  Once I got in my car, and started my drive home, I had to remember that absolutely nothing that I could do or say in that car, would change the events of the day. 

I used to do something that I found to be very therapeutic. Just as I have "memory boxes" that I store inside my head to keep all of my favorite memories, I also have "bad day boxes."  I close my eyes, imagine a giant box in front of me, and one by one, I imagine putting all of the horrible events of the day in that box, once i've put all of the events in, I imagine putting it in a hole in the ground and then filling the hole with dirt, until the box is buried.  Then I open my eyes, take a deep breath and realize that this day, no matter how bad or horrible, is now behind me, and nothing, absolutely nothing will ever bring it back again.

 Sure, there will be more bad days in the future, but not this day. It's dead and buried. 

The eyes of the optimist

"The glass is always half full.  No matter how you want to look at it, whether you are an optimist or a pessimist, it doesn't change the fact that the glass is still half full"


If you always view things from the mind of a pessimist, then things will never go right in your life.  If you choose to view things through the eyes of an optimist, things miraculously start changing around you.  It's true. Try it for a month. No negative thoughts. When you recognize you have one, replace it immediately with a positive thought. For example, if your car breaks down. The pessimist would say "I have no money in my account to pay my bills. I have no idea what I'm going to do. My life sucks." All of a sudden, your life sucks!  Whereas the optimist says, "wow, i'm running low in my bank account and have bills do. I had better get busy finding a way to make some money."  

The outcome of every situation hinges on how you approach it and how you deal with it, and with what kind of attitude is used to deal with it.  One thing is for certain, no matter what the situation is, a bad attitude and negativity is not going to change it.  The power of a positive outlook will amaze you.  "This will change soon."  "My life is hitting a bumpy patch right now, but I know it will pass soon, so i'm going to smile my way through it, and look forward to the wonderful things that are coming my way."

Remember,  things are never as bad as they seem, they are only as bad as you allow them to be. 

Matching wits

"A brilliant mind is not only a terrible thing to waste, it's a terrible thing to match wits with."


There is nothing worse than being right in the middle of a debate, and thinking that you've got it in the bag when your opponent pulls out words from the Webster that you never even knew existed. Maybe they won the debate, maybe they didn't, but that feeling of insecurity and ignorance sets in, and its instant defeat. 


I learned a long time ago to size up your opponent when in debate, or just simply having a conversation with someone. Never let your head get bigger than the point at hand.  Just because you may think you know it all, doesn't mean that you do, and chances are someone, at some point, will know much more than you on some topic.

You should always know your subject matter when going into any conversation, and if you don't have that much knowledge, at least be able to fake it with a whole lot of head shaking and "you know what I mean" lingo. It will help you out when they pull out the big guns. 

If all else fails, succumb to defeat graciously, and prepare better for next time by reading the news everyday, stay up on current events, including sports and foreign affairs. Even the weather makes for a good conversation. That's why everyone turns to that when they have nothing better to say. It's called "filler conversation material," you use it until something else comes up that's more interesting.  It's certainly better than silence. There is nothing more awkward than silence. 

Intelligence isn't always something you are born with,  you can gain knowledge by training yourself.  In addition to staying up on whats going on in the world, find a new hobby as often as you finish an old one, and learn a new word everyday. I find lots of knowledge is easy to come by, simply by listening, reading and watching others.  The next time you are in the company of others having conversations, whether its at a restaurant, sporting event, church, etc., listen and pay attention. Even if you don't get in on the conversation, you are bound to come out knowing more about something than you did when you started listening. I'm not saying you should eavesdrop on other's conversations necessarily, but if it's in a public setting, then all is fair. 

You may not be as intelligent as Einstein but no one has to know that.  


Realizing your potential

"Do not put yourself down.  If you don't think highly of yourself, why should anyone else?"

We normally rely on those around us to encourage us and pick us up when we're feeling down, but it's our responsibility to not make that a full time job for our friends and family. 

Continuously talking about how bad of a person you are, or how poorly you achieve in certain areas is not positive talk, and it is usually the kind of talk that will kill a conversation in it's tracks.  Everyone likes to hear an upbeat message, not a negative run on anyone, and when you're doing it about yourself, its usually worse.  It is bound to make people wonder why if you think so poorly of yourself, why should they think any different. 

Thinking highly of yourself doesn't make you selfish, it makes you confident. Confidence is necessary to succeed in the world, in your personal and professional life.  Have you ever heard of someone getting a date because all they did was talk about how rotten their life was? Or get a second interview after telling their potential employer that they wished they could be a better fit for the job? No, and you never will.  Confidence is a skill that is necessary to carry you through life. If you can't be fully confident, at least don't be your worst enemy.

Staying positive is a hard feat to accomplish, 100% of the time. But you have to remember that when you are constantly beating yourself down, especially in the presence of others, it sucks the energy out of those around you, and eventually they will start thinking less of you also. 

Be the person that you were born to be. In all that you do, and all that you say, think highly of yourself, and others will do the same. 

Finding strength in weakness

Picture
We are all guilty of it... self pity.  Something bad happens and the tears start to fall.  It's called being human. 

I think we should all learn that true strength comes from our weakest moments. Those times in life when we just don't feel like we can get out of the bed, turn on the computer, open the front door or just face another person.   It's being able to do these things that make us stronger.  

You have to be able to face your problems if you are ever to resolve them.  I am quite certain that crying endlessly, feeling sorry for yourself, dragging others into your self loathing, creates nothing but more pain.  The weaknesses will fester if not dealt with. The only way to deal with them is to abandon them. Pick yourself up and realize that you are bigger than bad emotions. You are stronger than the weaknesses that want to rule you.  You just have to take control. 

Remember, you are only as weak or as strong as you choose to be. Once you gain your strength by defeat, you will learn that all problems only last for a brief time, and then they are gone. Use your time wisely. Empower yourself with your inner strength and your pain will pass more quickly.  Wallow in it, and you will never learn how to solve the problems in your life. 



A ladder goes both ways

"When someone is there for you during all of your hard times in life, holding your hand, laughing at your jokes and simply making all the bad seem not so bad.. shouldn't you at least be there for them when they just want to know you are still breathing?"


We all want a friend that is there for u
s during our most difficult times in life. The one that will listen, comfort us and brush our hair away from our face as we cry.  The one that will always tell us we're right or gently correct us if we're wrong.  

What happens when you have no more sorrows? When you no longer need your friend to comfort or encourage you? True friendship means that we are there for each other. We all need someone sometimes. We all need that friendship that will give as well as take.  

Helping someone through a crisis or difficult time in life, is a bonding experience. I implore you, do not throw away a kind, loving friendship simply because you no longer have a need. It is very possible that the one that helped you through a difficult period in your life, is now in need of a kind shoulder to lean on. 

Friendship is like a ladder.. it goes both ways. 

There is someone that never gets tired of listening

"If more people had faith, there would be less burdens. Of this, i'm certain."

When we have need in our life, the first thing we want to do is cry. We want someone to fix it for us. We ALL want that. The most under utilized resource that we all have is prayer. 

We all have a free and open ended request line. We all have someone that never gets tired of hearing about our needs and wants. And yet very rarely do people dial the number.

Does it hurt to pray? Does it in some way cause you havoc in your life? Does it take up too much of your time? It takes mere minutes, or seconds even. You don't even have to get down on your knees, although I always fall to my knees when I have a heavy burden. All you have to do is talk.. you can do it in your head, where no one hears you even.  It's the easiest and most effective means of help that you can possibly receive. All you have to do is believe. 

Everyone is born with faith, it's what they choose to do with it that decides their path. 


Miscommunication 

"You should never read a tone into anything that is not voice related." 


We do it all the time, all of us. No one is immune to it, no matter how hard they try.  Miscommunication is  probably one of the biggest tools of Satan. He takes our flaws and uses them for his own interests, causing tons of strife between friends, coworkers, family members and strangers alike. 

Communicating effectively is one of the key ways to combat Satan. Learning how to do it is the key. It's tough. I say that we should all think before speaking, especially when doing it in a way that's not face to face. I personally have a hard time communicating effectively even when I'm face to face. But when you write an email, or post something on a website, social networking site, etc., it is very easily misconstrued and attitude can be read into something, even when it's not there.  We should all be mindful of this.

How many times a month do you find yourself apologizing for something you said, even though you know you didn't mean it the way it was taken? My guess would be, at least once.  I have found that especially when writing email, it is extremely hard to get my point across in the correct manner.  The tone that can be heard on the phone is easier to read than one that's written on the computer. A facial expression is even better.  Put your conversations into perspective.  Perhaps a luncheon with a dear friend to discuss things of a personal nature would be far more effective,  than say, an email or a Facebook post.  

I have had people misconstrue things I have said, well, more times than I care to remember. It has managed to leave hurt feelings on both sides of the computer, even when the conversation was meant to be a positive one.  If Satan is whispering in your ear, it doesn't matter what the point is the other person is trying to make, you will not read it as such. 

So remember, when typing an email, make sure the CAP LOCKS is off. That is the first thing that will be misconstrued as yelling, or being combative or angry. Next, take a minute before you write, then read it and read it again before sending it.  View it from all possible angles before you hit the send button. And if all else fails, pick up the phone or much a lunch date. 

Communication is quite possibly the most important thing we will ever have to do with one another.  Use it wisely. 

Hard work, it's what you were made for

"Don't let yourself down, by selling yourself short"

Hard work is good for everyone. This is why you feel so great after a productive day. It is meant for man to find his way in the world, through hard work and diligence.  Idle hands are the devil's playground, and we should never stay idle for too long, it can cause you to get in lots of trouble.  

Haven't you ever had a day when you just laid around all day, doing absolutely nothing, but sleeping off and on. It may feel good for the first half of the day, but then after that, you start feeling sluggish and out of sorts, and then by the end of the day, you feel that feeling in the pit of your stomach and you're not sure why. It's because you really needed to get things done, but instead you were self indulgent and now you are paying the price with guilt. I know there have been more days than I care to count, where I just don't feel like getting out of the bed. I would probably lay there all day if it weren't for having a purpose (my children) to get up.  Once i'm up, then begins the tedious task of actually accomplishing something. It may sometimes take me a while to get motivated, but once I start, I generally don't stop until i'm finished. 

It's very difficult for most people to get up in the mornings unless they have something exciting happening that day. Haven't you ever noticed how on the first day of your vacation, you hop right up when the alarm clock goes off and start singing, and packing and can't wait to get in the car and hit the open road?  I think having a purpose is what drives us.  We should all find a purpose every day to do our very best to accomplish as many tasks as we can. 

Whatever your purpose is for the day, whether it's getting your children off to school, motivating your spouse to get out the door, working towards a promotion at work, or simply wanting to feel your very best.  Grab that purpose, and run with it. At the end of the day, you will feel on top of the world when you look back at all you've accomplished. 

Pride in oneself is probably one of the greatest feelings you can ever have. Never let yourself down by selling yourself short. Do your very best every day, and then sit back and reward yourself for a job well done. 

Mother's Day, it's every day

"On the day that you were born, it not only became your birthday, it became hers as well. On Mother's Day, it's a time to remember all of the loving, nurturing and comfort you've received from the one person on Earth that would not only gladly lay down their life for you, but will be proud of you, no matter what. Remember her every day of the year, even if you only recognize her one day out of the year. You may sacrifice one day a year for her, but she has sacrificed her entire life for you."

Mother's are born in many different ways, through giving birth, through giving a home through adoption and through somehow obtaining the love of a person that somehow just came into your life. But no matter how you've become a mother, once you become one, you always will be one. 

We know as mother's that the one true love we have, outside of our love for God, is our love for our children.  Nothing can compare, and no one that has never been one,  can possibly understand the overwhelming emotion that wells up inside of us when we hear those very simple words, "I love you mom."

But with the joy, comes much heartache.  Whether it comes from hearing the cries that follow a skinned knee, a broken heart, or the pain of peer pressure and growing up. Our hearts hurt just as much if not more when our children hurt.  If only we could will away their pain, or somehow deflect it upon ourselves and take it away from them. As mother's we would gladly do it. 

The pain of discipline is a heart load to carry for a mother.  The crushed look on their faces as we restrict them from their so loved privileges, for whatever reason, whether it was due to doing poorly in school, or for having a smart mouth or disobediene. While it pains us to do these things, we must in order to make sure our children grow up into responsible, respectful, functioning members of society.  But we should all be glad of heart, because we are essentially making our children better, stronger, wiser adults to be. They may think they hate you when you take their iPod, or their cellphone, but when they get their report card and their grades have come up, they will be very proud of themselves.  Or when they move into their first apartment and some how remember that the dishwasher needs to be loaded, or how to separate the whites from the colors. Somethings they never would have accomplished without the firm, loving guidance and discipline that came from their mother. 

No one can calm a fear, kiss away a boo boo or ease a broken heart quite like a mother. Mother's just have a way of knowing what to say, and usually at the right time, while sometimes we miss a beat.  We generally know how to hold a hand, or wipe a tear without too many words being spoken, and we always know how to give an extra scoop of ice cream, or make a favorite meal. 

Mother's Day is a special day indeed. A day to recognize all the sacrifices that we make for our children, the heartache that we endure and the love that we so greatly cherish. But everyday is Mother's Day, because a good mother will never stop loving, never stop caring and never walk away.  She is there, every day. 





Saying goodbye 

"There comes a time in life when you have to let go of some people and let them move out of your life. Not necessarily because you want to, but because they have chosen to do so. Remember, when one door closes another is opened. Do not be sad and hurt, be grateful for what you learned from your time together and remember this changing of seasons brings cleansing and new opportunity for strength and renewal. "


So many people come into our lives. It is said that some come for a Reason, some for a Season and some for a Lifetime.  When someone stops talking to you, or returning your phone calls or stops reaching back when you reach out. Let them go. 

We can not force people to stay in our lives, and we shouldn't try to. There are many reasons why someone leaves your life. But the most important reason is because they need to. 

We learn from every single person that becomes a part of our life, whether it's for a brief amount of time, an extended amount of time or for a lifetime.  Pay attention to each friendship and learn from it. Good and bad, every relationship provides us with an education that we can use later in life, with new friendships that are bound to come about. 

It's painful when we lose relationships, whether they are intimate or friendships, no one likes to say goodbye, but when you say goodbye, hold on to only the good memories, let go of the bad, do not be bitter, simply make peace and  move forward with new insight into your future relationships that will be better and stronger than those of the past, due to your ability to learn and let go. 

Saying goodbye may not be easy, but sometimes, its necessary. 

A humbling moment

"Saying "I'm sorry" doesn't always affect the outcome of the events, but it always helps with the transition."

We all manage, at some point in our lives, to hurt people around us, even those that we care the most about.  It may not always be intentional, but it is most definitely inevitable. 

Sometimes we don't really know how to proceed after the damage has been done. What do you do when you realize you have inflicted pain on another person? You will automatically feel sorry for yourself, that's what you will do. Deny it if you will, but it's a fact. We want to feel guilty, it somehow eases our own selfish pain. This doesn't do a thing to ease the pain of the one we've hurt.  We feel such shame that we don't even want to face the true victim. We want to hide and feel sorry for ourselves. 

Saying I'm sorry seems so petty, especially if you've hurt someone deeply, even if it was unintentional. But those two little words are a mandatory part of a healing that needs to take place.  Pain will ease with time, but healing can not happen until you actually take responsibility for your part in the process. 

Sometimes an apology will make things right again, but sometimes it will not. Accept that possibility. Sometimes the damage is done, and the only left to do is the right thing, and once you've apologized to the one you've hurt, in a sincere manner, you can then begin to heal your own pain for things said or done that you wish you could take back. Learn from your mistakes, and take a painful memory and turn it into a learning experience,  so that, hopefully when opportunity presents itself in the future, you will be more selfless, attentive, and more responsible for your actions. 

Ask for forgiveness first, then forgive yourself. 

Getting a grip on reality

"You will never be able to obtain true happiness until you can get a grip on the fact that everyone has hard times in life. Once you realize that these hard times are a part of living, and they will pass, then you can start to embrace the other side, which is always a brighter tomorrow. "


Life can really give us a big pill to swallow some days.  It's full of sadness, heartache, and problems that we all hate to have to endure. 

There have been so many times when I felt like giving up. Yes, it's true. Like most people, I've had my share of heartache, heart break, and seemingly unbearable instances in my life where I would have loved to just hit a "fast forward" button, but alas, they all passed, and amazingly I turned out to be a stronger person because of them. 

Nothing bad is ever fun. But some bad times are necessary, not all, but some, to teach us wisdom and patience.  The bad times also help us appreciate the good times.  If everything was good all the time, we would already be in Heaven.  Life is not perfect, for anyone. No matter what you may think, that person that seems to have it all together, and seems like nothing bad ever happens in their life, yes, even that person has a hard time sometimes. 

I still cry when I have hard times. I still pray it all through, and beg for mercy and grace. But the one true thing that I've learned throughout my life, and many seemingly never ending days and nights, is this.. if you understand that it's temporary, it will help it pass more quickly.  Faith gives you strength to get through those times. Believing that tomorrow is going to be better will certainly help that happen a lot sooner than believing otherwise. 

The amazing thing about life is, the bad never lasts forever. Sometimes it may seem like it does, but for everything, there is a season. Getting a grip on reality, and letting go of the fantasy that things should be good all the time will help you better understand your pain, and give you the strength to carry on until tomorrow. 

Always remember, nothing lasts forever but eternity. 

Letting go

"Make room in your heart for peace, by removing resentment and anger. Forgiveness may be the hardest thing to do, but once it's done, it's over. "



Forgiveness, it seems so simple doesn't it? It's one of the hardest things in the world that you will ever do.  Who wants to forgive someone that has hurt them? No one that I know.  While it may be one of the hardest things you will ever do, trust me when I say, it is one of the most important things you will ever do. 

I've been hurt a lot in my lifetime, by strangers, people I know, and even those that I cared the most about. People are human, they do stupid things. Some times on purpose with selfish intentions, and other times people either don't think of the outcome of their actions ahead of time, or they just can't see the big picture. Whatever the reason, you've been hurt.  With hurt usually comes anger, and or resentment.  Either of these are terrible things to live with. They will destroy your joy, take away your peace and leave nothing behind but a bitter shell of a person. 

I lived for years with no peace in my heart.  When your heart is full of all the bad things, it leaves no room for anything good. It's also like an avalanche. One bad thing after another will occur in your life. Either at your own hands, or the hands of others.  It's very hard to make clear, rational choices and decisions with a hardened heart.  It is true, if your heart is filled with anger, hate or resentment where should your joy dwell?  There is no room left in your heart, so it flees. 
 I have found it very difficult to forgive certain people.  Those that were closest to me that hurt me the worst, or those that were strangers that hurt me in ways no one should ever hurt another human being.  Through years of struggle, massive amounts of prayer and simply not knowing what else I could possible do to find peace, I tried it.  One by one, I forgive the worst of the worst, and little by little by joy has returned.   


Letting go of these things, doesn't mean you have to like the person again, or even that you have to be in their presence and tell them that you've forgiven them, although in some cases, I think that would be a bonus for you.  Just simply let go, forgive them, and release the chains of bondage on your heart. It will forever hold you prisoner as long as you allow it to.  You have the power to release yourself from the pain and the hurt. You don't need their permission to forgive them, you need nothing at all from them now, or ever again. 

Listen, it's never easy to forgive someone that has hurt you. You think to yourself "why should I do that for them, after they have hurt me so badly?" I know, I've been there, and still to this day struggle with it, but remember, you are not doing it for them, you are doing it for yourself.  They will still have to deal with their guilt and shame.  Like it says in the Bible, in Proverbs 25:22, it will be like heaping hot coals on their head.


 Let go of your pain, and see what amazing things will start happening in your life. I promise you it will be better than what you are experiencing now. 



Copyright 2012 by Charlie Cain-Tolbirt
All rights reserved.  This publication, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher; exceptions are made for brief excerpts used in published reviews or with the express written permission of Charlie Cain-Tolbirt.  
Proudly powered by Weebly